The Dying Art of the Creative Moment


My eyes opened, as the sound of Moonlight Sonata, so eloquently created by a Mr. Ludwig Van Beethoven, calmly gave introduction to a new day.  The shadows of the ceiling fan fluttered as if there were a butterfly, readying itself to land upon the window cill. I turned over to the warmth of my little Pug Ling, as she shook her head and greeted me with a gregarious snort as her imperfectly curled tail tried to follow the wiggle of her back end.  As blurred visions of the grand adventure of epic proportions I experienced before my waking moments, drifted off into the lost Dewey Decimal System of my mind, I came upon a faint moment that struck a conscious vibration of disapproval and even anxiety.  This moment of intensity quickly dispersed as two familiar spheres of green and yellow and brown came into sight, encompassed by a halo of soft light, and the sound of “good morning daddy”  that reverberated a flow of the most enlightening vibration of peace and happiness, nourishing every cell in my body, from this little light of my life, as if she were the sun giving life to the avocado tree outside the window.  I reached out to embrace this little light of my life, Luciana her name, the Italian equivalent for light, so appropriate, so true to life, and she expressed a whimsical  ahmmm which let me know that all was good in the world and that she was now ready for her day!

Talk about being in the moment!  Its amazing the detail that comes into focus during an experience such as this.  Ah, the creative process, what an amazing tool, an amazing gift, an amazing discovery.  Simple really, just allowing oneself to be completely in the moment and create, not bound by any future or past limitation….this is where the masterpiece is, well, created!  Likely, why it is the starving artist that so often is the true creator of such bliss.  For to create for the purpose of gaining favor or income for that matter, will always taint the process.  Creativity is a flow, a flow of the sum of all that is, and then an attachment to something in that flow….ah….a creation is born.  Then how, can i give full attention to this attachment if I am anywhere other than in the moment?  Ah, I cannot, therefore my creation is distorted by its insignificance.

Writer’s block for example, what is writers block?  Most of the time, i think it is due to the desire to create.  Sounds crazy, right?  Maybe not,.  For the creative process is being bound by not the desire to create, but for that entity, that attainment, that goal in the future that has elicited this desire to create….unfortunately no longer allowing the artist to be completely in the moment.  Maybe why we see the creative process becoming a relic, a cyclical copy of what has been.  As the creative process has been hijacked by the almighty dollar.

When I write, i am in the moment , for if I am not, i no longer have anything creative to say.  For just as creativity, wisdom is only found in the moment.  It is the essence of the flow, it is the constant that can be observed, only in the moment.  Not bound by the noise beyond the flow.  Find the flow my friends, embrace it, live it, be it……and CREATE!!!!

Theory of Limitation….the bridge between God and Science


A friend shared this quote today from Mr. Einstein…”A human being is a part of the whole, called by us “Universe,” a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. The striving to free oneself from this delusion is the one issue of true religion. Not to nourish it but to try to overcome it is the way to reach the attainable measure of peace of mind.”

We often refer to Mr. Einstein as brilliant, a genious, yet even more impressive was his level of wisdom.  This illustrated of course in this quote, but specifically for the purpose of this post,  “the universe, a part limited in time and space.”  Ah, limitation,  something I have been thinking a lot about lately.   A few weeks ago while sitting in meditation,  I became attached to a thought that arose (yes I know, the antithesis of meditation).  This thought struck a very deep chord withiin this very fickle mind of mine.  It produced an idea, a concept, of an observable description of, well, existence.  How conceited I thought, but its simplicity illicited further exploration, as I contemplated, “imagine if one could bridge the gap between science and God, the ramifications….would it lead to a more peaceful existence for the inhabitants of this earth, would the inhabitants even want to know?”

infinityI have often spoke of the description I use when posed the question “What is God?”.  My thoughts on the entity referred to as God…., ” the absence of limitation.”  During this time of meditation, this thought came up, followed by a thought about Nirvana, Nibbana, (however you care to say it,)  which literally is the complete cessation of attachment….or without any limitation.  Of course, if these things are the essence of no limitation, then life, existence and all things contained in its illusion are the opposite, or limitation.

I thought back to the basic idea of the beginning of this illusion we call existance.  Science describes it as the “big bang.”  The formation of the universe, starting from the size of a pin hole so eloquently defined as singularity.  Of course, we can thank Mr. Einstein’s Theory of Relativity for expanding on this for us.   I then progressed to the concept of the black holes.  What are black holes?  The description I use is that they are formed at the point of collapse of a star, and take on the characteristics of …well…a drain, pulling all things that surround it, into its void.  I have read a little of Stephen Hawking’s ideas on Black Holes, originally he thought that all information that was taken into a black hole was lost to nothingness, but recently he has come to the “conclusion” that the information that goes into black holes, traverse into an alternate universe such as those discussed in quantum physics..(I promise this is as complicated as this post will get with respect to science references.)  He has also stated that black holes can form “within the individual”  as well.  Pretty heavy, eh?2013-black-hole-d-full-hd-wallpaper

Alright, so where am i going with all of this?  Remember my thoughts on limitation?  Well, first let go of all pre- concieved notions or ideas of existance.  Go beyond all concept of universe.  Now, draw a picture in your mind of an immense sphere of energy, (maybe what you would picture as the perverbial light at the end of the tunnel), spinning with an eternal flow.  Yes, my thought is that this sphere of pure energy is that which we perceive and label as “God” or “heaven”.

So, now picture in your mind, some form of limitation arising within the flow.  The limitation creates a blockage in an infinitely small area of this sphere of energy.  A pin hole, yes a singularity.

5772919-landscape-with-river-and-fallen-tree-in-the-forestNow picture a river, a steadily flowing river.  Within this river, a large tree falls and creates a diverge in the river.  Initially the river continues on like normal.  Yet, through the years this diverge created by the tree, slowly increases in scope as the river’s flow of water drills at the blockage created by this tree, this “limitation” of the flow of water.  Eventually some level of tributary is created, that flows parallel along the main river.

Now, back to our sphere of energy, picture our infinitely small pin hole of limitation .  As our sphere of energy continues its flow, at this point of limitation, the flow of energy keeps grinding into this blockage until, BOOM! “big bang”.  A new tributary is created, and voila, the birth of a universe.

big bangSo, we now have the birth of a “universe”.  What then defines this new, infant universe?  The charachteristics of the limitation that caused the whole thing to happen.  Therefore, all things, this universe, this existance,  are “created” ultimately by the basic charachteristics of that initial limitation..

Now, let’s go back to the the river and its new tributary.  As is with all tributaries, there are areas that are formed between the river and the tributary, whether small or large, underground or above ground, that connect the two.  Some happen immediately, some take years to form, yet the water flow of the tributary, eventually flows back to the river from the various voids.

So, picture this new “universe of limitation” as it receives its constant flow of energy from the point where the “big bang” was initiated, the singularity.   The flow of energy defined by the initial limitation, creating the observed reality.  Considering the reality of our own universe, picture what we define as “black holes”, solar systems, and galaxies.  These would be the “voids” that connect the universe (tributary, small river)  to the “sphere of energy” (main river).

sunIn the solar system, the sun, like a big plug, in the drain of the black hole. Once the sun can no longer sustain its viability or resist the pull back into the sphere of energy, it falls into the drain back into the sphere of energy (along with all that’s around it.).  That would kind of explain the cyclical nature of solar systems, or from whence the gravitational sequence is initiated.

Now, on a personal level.  As I have talked about before, what exactly defines life, as we experience it?  Really, it is broken down into two concepts, fear and desire, (or whatever description of the two you choose to hold onto.)  If you observe the true nature of reaction to experience, they are defined by either of these two…limitations.

The concept of reaching nirvana, is ultimately being able to observe this reality, moment to moment, and have complete objectivity…equinimity..to the experience.  In other words, the complete eradication of the fears and desires that define the individual. Hence, to train oneself to not react to the experience that elicits the feeling of fear…the feeling of desire.  Through this, you methodically let go of attachment to this illusion, by the observation that it is the fearful or desirable reaction that lay the framework for ones definable self.

prayerNow, with respect to God and heaven (i will reference christianity here, as this is my most familiar), although I am certain much of the magnificent wisdom that flowed from the mouth of Jesus has been lost to agenda and dogma, one thing has stuck through the years, certainly misused and misinterpreted, but one word, “FAITH”.   What does this word mean?  Ultimately, let go of your fears.  Let go of your desires.  Accept them, welcome them, observe them and then let them go.  Have faith that God will handle them for you, and then, you will enter the Kingdom of Heaven .  Back from whence, ultimately, we came…(minus all of those limitations.)

I think this describes the idea of a “black hole” within the individual.  Once all limitations are “let go” or the awareness of the illusion of “limitation” is observed and attachment to these things are let go, we go on the wild ride down the drain, into the wild rideinfinite…well…until the next limitation bubbles up in our little sphere of energy…and then..BANG….Wow….what a ride!!!

Is this a scientifically provable theory?  I have no idea,  for my proficiency in physics is limited.   What I do know is that ,it is an observable theory, for through the training, (or un-training) of the mind, one can experience the complete cessation of attachment.  The rest can be deduced from the idea of limitation, hence my reason for calling it the Theory of Limitation.  I guess I will have to talk to a physicist one day about the theory and see. (I must admit though, it would make for a great sci-fi film!)

lossIf nothing else, use this as a guide, a motivation, to limit the limitations in your life.  For it can and will give you a glimpse of true peace…true happiness…and who knows….maybe we can somehow bridge that gap between science and spirituality….and maybe, just maybe…the world will live as one!!!

Mind of Peace..from…Peace of Mind !!


In honor of the International Day of Peace, I thought a post on Peace and the Mind would be aprapos.  So often on this journey of mine, the term “Peace of Mind” has come up.  Whether it be in conversation with others on the path, or reading a book, while writing, or just a little conversation I have with me, myself and I,…. “Peace of Mind” was a pretty hot topic.  For isn’t that the goal?  I once thought that, until I found that place and experienced something totally unexpected.

I’m not sure I have discussed in previous posts,  that I have practiced meditation for quite some time.  Yes, this practice has been an integral part of this journey and a “super tool” that I have used to help float along this river of life.  Through this practice, I was able to experience a place where I was able to quiet the mind, and when I say quiet the mind, I mean total and utter silence, what I would certainly call “Peace of Mind.” (I am not going to go into a discussion on meditation, as that is for another day).  I remember thinking to myself, “Wow… man… that was the most amazing feeling I have ever experienced!”  I had been fortunate enough to get a small glimpse, experience a tiny taste, of the ultimate truth, my true nature!  “I certainly  must be doing something right,” I said to myself, ” going down the right path!”  You wouldn’t believe the flow of thoughts that ensued later that afternoon after that experience.  Then “BAM” it occurred to me, “there I go again,” the mind just going at it again, like a white water flow of craving and self-absorption.  I suppose the only difference was the acute nature in which I was able to observe the thoughts, and what they were.  Honestly, I will tell you that this observation was a much more important part of my lesson learned that day than the actual experience of a completely quiet mind. It was at that point I realized, I observed, I truly experienced, the true nature of the misery I bring upon myself.  It was the point at which I understood how unaware I was in my everyday existence to the flow of thoughts and subsequent “holding onto them” that elicited their corresponding reaction.  It was probably one of the most prolific experiences of my life, to actually observe the actual workings of this mind/matter phenomena!!  Needless to say, this moment  took my own personal experiment of self observation to a new level.

So, great, cool, good for me, I had a really amazing experience…..And?  Well…sure, I did, but the most important thing about the experience was the understanding that I got from it, it clicked!  It was during that moment of true awareness, that I understood not only the importance of that “Peace of Mind” moment, but  I also observed just how critically important the moments following, the time spent after that moment.  For it is this time that the opportunity for transformation takes place, for the re-training of your mind.  It was also at that point I really, well, believed, that I could truly transform my mind, break the habits that I have held onto for so long, alter the cycle!  With this realization, it became completely apparent to me that the same could be said for the inhabitants of this world.  You know, you can hear it a million times….”Change the world, by changing yourself..”, but until you experience the true nature of change within, it is a very hard concept to grasp.

So, the point is, when you experience those times when you are fortunate enough to get that small glimpse…that beautiful feeling,  of “Peace of Mind”, make the most of it, (and no it doesn’t have to be as acute as the one I experienced that day).   Whether it be a moment of silent prayer, or that sunrise on the beach…or maybe just observing the smile of a child, or painting a picture of a peach.  Understand that “Peace of Mind” is experienced when your mind is completely focused, focused on that moment.  You will feel it, you will know, it will likely send a feeling of comfortable warmth through your body, and you’ll feel like a little lightbulb shining on all those around you.  Then, do us all a favor and yourself as well, when that little moment is over.  Take a second, or two, or even a minute, or ten, and send good wishes of peace, to all the world over!  This is the process my friends, something all of us can do,  to create a “Mind of Peace” from “Peace of Mind”,  just take a minute or a few.  (okay, i’m no poet, but it was fun trying!)  Realize, that small moment you experience, opens that opportunity to change your position in the river, to alter your path, and that alteration is completely dependent upon the thoughts you choose to join you on your flow.  It may not be comepletly noticable at first, or maybe it will, but you have the power and most importantly you have the choice.  Much Peace to you all on this International Day of Peace and I wish you all much luck on your journey and much happiness each day through.

To Be…or not to Be….that is the….um..Choice!!


I saw a question posed today..”Why does God always think we can handle things that we don’t know if we are strong enough to?”  I suppose the most direct answer would be, to give one the opportunity to find the true strength within.  Through all my years of growing up Catholic, I always found it unfair that God was blamed for so much of the misery experienced by the inhabitants of the Earth.  I was always taught that God loved his children and that all I had to do was put my faith in his hands, and all things would work out.  So I could not comprehend why God would send something, some experience to me that would cause pain and misery?  What, is God some Jekyl and Hyde personality…maybe he’s a prankster? Of course not.  Although my particular way of thought and interpretation of God has changed over the years, the basic principles have not.  So why do challenges come our way?  Through my life, I have experienced various medical issues, and when they were in an acute state, I would often wonder why?  Why is this happening to me?  I have been a good kid, I go to church, for the most part I was good to others…so on and so forth.  Heck, I am sure there were times that I questioned God in a similar manner to the quote that initiated this post.  Yet what I have come to understand is that, there really is no reason, only an opportunity.  “Opportunity you say !!!?” Since embarking on this journey of self-realization I have come to discover, there is no rhyme or reason to the things we experience in life.  Yes, I know, I understand the concept of sin and its inevitable punishment, or the concept of Karma (highly misunderstood my most in my observation).  We humans are a funny animal, we are always looking elsewhere for reason, or more accurately put, blame, for the things we experience, (and the feelings they elicit) regardless of their nature.  Whether it is something we like, or more often, we do not like! (and trust me I have had plenty of both!)  The truth is, life is like a river that flows, that flows with things we experience with our senses.  Take a moment now and become the scientist, observe what you are experiencing now.  You are sitting at your computer or phone or whatever media device you have in front of you.  Maybe with a drink or snack by your side.  Maybe with the t.v. going in the background or some music.  You remember…we did this in kindergarten…heck pre-school…go to each specific sense..sight…smell…taste…touch…hear…and if you didn’t know this, there is a sixth and that is thought, and observe.  C’mon..give it a try…become third person, become the scientist and sit back and observe the senses and corresponding feelings and the  thoughts coming to fruition, man what a flow…right?  All kinds of stuff come up, “what’s this guy talking about?”…”I don’t have time for this”…”something smells good”..” i can’t believe that commercial”…”man I was supposed to call so and so”…and on and on.    This flow of thoughts, constant, like a river.  And as discussed in an earlier post, we’re just fishin with our pole of control, holding onto those thoughts.

Okay, so where am I going with this?  Well, this river of experience, you know, it just flows, kinda like the Mississippi.  Why did I get Crohns disease as a child? Why was I so lucky to be born to a saint of a mom?  Fact is, it doesn’t really matter, for it is what was presented to me.  Here is the point of this entire post!  “To Be…or Not To Be….(HAPPY)….that is the CHOICE!!!  You see folks, misery, as well as happiness, is a choice.  Ooh, I know, very hard to grasp when the river of life seems like raging rapids instead of a gurgling brook, but the truth is, the rapids are there!  Regardless of whether you respond with a frown or a smile, the rapids are there!   Also, trust me, no matter how much you think someone,  or something  caused those rapids to appear, the fact of the matter is, they are there!  and you will be going through them!  So, looking for the reason or the blame, is like trying to hold onto a rock and waiting for the rapids to subside.  You will be waiting for a long time.  Just like the Mississippi, there are spots with rapids and they will be rapids for a very…very…very long time.  As long as you hold onto that rock, well, you will most certainly be fighting those rapids.  On the other hand, you can let go of the rock and accept the fact that, hey, I have to traverse some rapids, not the first time, and certainly not the last.  Of course, once you let go of the rock, well, you again have the choice.  Ride the rapids with a smile or a frown.  Again, either way, you will be riding the rapids for a bit, you can do it with a frown, feeling miserable, feeling out of control and spending your time dwelling on your expectations. Looking for other rocks, clouding the one tool you do have, awareness, to help avoid some of the hidden dangers.    Or… you can do it with smile, Happy, accepting things as they are, letting the river take you along, with a much better faculty for the use of that special tool of awareness to help  avoid those same hidden dangers.

I will tell you, I was a miserable soul when I first started this journey long ago.  Always looking for rocks regardless of whether I was in the rapids or not.  Often plagued by my expectations for those around me and the world in general.  Then there was that moment, that beautiful moment of clarity, when I realized, when I observed that, it was me, I was the one responsible for my happiness (and of course my misery).  For, it was not the river, not the experience that brought me this happiness, this misery, but the way in which I chose to react to the river, to the experience.  What a feeling of fulfillment, what a feeling of peace, it sounds so simple, but it can be the most difficult thing to grasp, but I promise you (from a former miserable soul)..it is not impossible!!  Give yourself a little credit, hey, your making the effort, you wouldn’t be reading this in the first place if not!!   So, do yourself a favor, take advantage of those rapids, and see them as an Opportunity for self observation and find the path to true happiness…to true peace.  Start taking responsibility, for those smiles and those frowns.  Find the opportunity to flow along the river of life, and let go of the rocks and not miss out on the beauty it has to offer!  I wish much success on your experiment and an enjoyable ride down the river!

The Essence of Life…Your Masterpiece!!!!


I posted a comment on Facebook yesterday in response to, “If only science and reason were easier to get people to believe in than flying men, a kingdom in the sky, ..virgins…and such..”.  My response, I think may have been taken a bit out of context, but it went something like this.. “Imagination is the mother of creation!!!  Desire and fear are her tools!!!  The human mind is her soil!!  And Chaos is her bloom!!!.”

Since embarking on this journey of self-realization and experiment of self observation, I have been fortunate enough to see things for what they are and use this information to better meander the path I follow.  Many times, the observations made are completely contrary to the reality I understood…I lived.. at one time or another.  The truth is, this beautiful thing we call life, is very much like a never-ending canvas, to use to create our own little…or grand…(depending on one’s nature)….masterpiece.

Imagination, most certainly is, the mother of creation.  For it is that imagination, which allows our energy, our true nature, to flow upon the canvas.  Fear and Desire are at the very root of our soul…..our mind….and these are the tools that are used to paint upon this glorious canvas.   For it is the essence of these two words that give color to the medium we choose for our masterpiece.  They are the ebb and flow of every stroke that is made!  This magnificent planet of ours, universe for that matter, so completely perfect, is ripe to offer the artist an unlimited palette of sensory experience, that the possibilities are limitless.

The mind is her soil, ah, this beautiful garden of creativity, so fertile with the descriptive that define one’s footprint.  The blueprint for which her tools are used.  Transforming with every moment, with every reaction to the plethora of sensory experience presented.

Chaos is her bloom.  As formally defined… Behavior so unpredictable as to appear random, owing to great sensitivity to small changes in conditions… this work of wonder, this masterpiece…with the illusion of control…has quite the opposite.  For as any true artist knows, creativity flows from the depths of the mind, of the soul, of nothingness…with reckless abandon…with chaos…to form the most randomly beautiful bloom from the seed once planted in the soil.

So I say to he, that lies waste to the flying men, kingdom in the sky…virgins…and such… Wait just a minute!  For the day may come that science and imagination come to the realization that they really are one!! For one day, they will meet upon the understanding that it is one thing that separates, as well as combines the two, and that is limitation.  For it is limitation that is the essence of fear and desire and to get beyond this limitation is to experience that for which many call God.  For it is this essence, this limitless entity that provides the canvas to create ones masterpiece.  It is that constant flow of energy in the river of life and beyond.

Allow this energy to flow through you.  Make proper use of the tools, with as fertile a mind as possible. Let the creativity of your imagination cultivate and bloom into a masterpiece…bursting with the vibrance that defines the one and only you!!!  But most of all…smile…and BE HAPPY! (or not..your choice!)

No More HOMEWORK !!!


My 5-year-old started kindergarten this year, and of course the dreaded cycle of homework begins.  I thought maybe it would be a novelty for her and that she might be enthusiastic about the whole idea, at least in the beginning.  Well, maybe not so much.  The other day she proceeds to throw a fit as we sat together working on her assignment.  She has struggled a bit with her fine motor skills, so writing her letters can prove to be a task.  As the flow of whine, (not wine, although the thought could have occurred) continued, all of a sudden she belts out, “No More Homework!!”  Ah, those vibrations of frustration were running rampant in the room.  Of course the old learned habits of talking about “grades” and “homework is just a part of life and we gotta do it,” came out …and I quickly thought to myself….red light!  The ole scientist came out and started observing the situation and the response I was giving.  Grades???  Just gotta do it????  Talk about lack of motivation, but seriously, that’s kinda what our education system is built upon.  (The education system here in the U.S., that is for another post, as I have plenty to say about that, but I digress). Anyways, so I take a step back and let her take a break, we drink some water together and then we sit back down.  I proceeded to tell her the story of her first step, and was very detailed about that moment and included the emotion of the moment in my story.  How she had a look of “I’m gonna do this” but also a look of “I’m not so sure about this.”  Just picture dad recreating the moment and truly including the emotion, with the jumping up and down and cheering and of course the encouragement after a fall, the whole thing.  Also describing the look on her face upon completion and the flow of giggles that followed that first step!  I really tried to re-create that moment.  It was very cute, she definitely got a kick out of it.  Okay, so the point.  After telling the story, we talked about homework a bit.  I told her that first step did not happen right as she came out of mommy’s belly.  I went over the different stages that she went through to get to that point, with much animation of course.  Then I asked her if she knew why it was that she made that effort to learn to walk, even though at first it was hard and frustrating to her? No answer…. ” To make it easier for you to get around”, I told her, making reference for her to imagine having to crawl around school all day.   So I drew the correlation to homework.  I said, “We do homework to make things easier for us as we go through life.”  We went on a little further, and eventually got through the homework without the whine (or the wine).

Did my explanation of homework to my 5-year-old sink in?  I would like to think so, but the point of this story is this.  If there is something in your life you dread doing, and I would tend to believe that there is not one person on this earth that does not get this feeling at one point or another in their life, let your scientist come out and take an objective look at that task you dread.  Objectively come up with the true purpose for that task.  Let’s say for example taxes.  My mind says I pay taxes because i have to, to keep from getting in trouble.  Truthfully, why do I pay taxes?  To support the infrastructure of this great country, to make life a little easier in some weird, twisted way.  There is always some negative noise that surrounds things that we dread (and taxes are certainly a big one), hence why we dread them.  Dread only comes when we give energy to that negativity.

(Alright, I’m gonna get a little deep here, but bear with me.)  Picture the flow of thoughts going through your head like a big river of energy and the thoughts as little balls of energy.  So we have this magic fishing pole that will catch the little balls of energy (the thoughts) for which we give attention, regardless of their nature (positive or negative).  Remember, we choose which thoughts we reel in with our pole.  As you well know, each illicit a different feeling.  Yet the nice thing about it is that we have the power to throw the little ball back into the flow of energy, you know, let it go.  The irony is that it is often harder for us to let go of that little ball of negative.  Why?  Because it is out of some sort of fear that we catch it in the first place, and fear, as we all know, illicit all sort of reactions, and we give exponential attention to it, heck we mount it over the fireplace, trying to protect ourselves from it.  Of course, the longer we hold onto it, well the more it attracts more little balls just like it, and it truly becomes a struggle to manage it.  Eventually, well, you know.

So positive thoughts that we reel in, what’s the difference?   The difference is that these are easier to (in essence) let go, for there is nothing to protect yourself from, nothing to fear….(well except the desire to have the feeling these little balls illicit, or lack thereof…but that’s for another day).  Positive thoughts, finding the positive in our day-to-day experience gives us the ability to enjoy and take part in the true nature of the experience because we are not bound by the insecurity (or limitation as I like to call it) of fear.  Do yourself a favor, do your homework, make life a little easier, limit your limitations, make best use of your magic fishing pole and most of all, be happy all the way through!

…I should be your walking science experiment


I

I had a good friend contact me the other day and their first words were…”i should be your walking experiment..”  so we had a nice back and forth and during the message time it was suggested I add to my blog, so here it is.  The person will be referred to as Matter and I will be….well…Me.

  • MATTER… i should be your walking science experiment

    life in general has been a struggle lately

  • MATTER….i’ve been having health issues and no one can really tell me what is going on
  • ME…what type of issues?
  •  MATTER…..not really sure, I am chewing Xanax like it’s candy for panic attacks, my legs constantly shake for no reason, and i have elevated calcium levels…so we are just on a wait and see type patern for a few more months
  •  ME…whoa…can i ask when this all started?
  •  MATTER….about 4 months ago
     I was doing some exercise and just felt like i was overheating and about to pass out …turned into a real bad sinus infection…and has never really gone away
  • ME…..would you like my objective observation?
  • MATTER…..sure would
  • ME….in the last 4 months you have taken on quite a few changes and with those changes came some pretty hefty responsibilities that typically compound stress.  So what is stress?  It is the mind’s reaction to an alteration of what the brain is wired to compute, status quo for lack of better words….what our typical habit pattern in life tends to be..what we are wired to find acceptable.  This is how it works…regardless of the catalyst…the senses take in information…the brain computes the information….and based on the wiring (the habit patterns we have developed through life) ..the brain sends out signals to the body…(understand we are human animals yes…but first we are really just a jumble of subatomic particles that process information from the universe around us..im sure you remember this from school…or not…)….and here’s where the interesting part happens….those signals are really just sensations that trigger a reaction.  So what is the reaction?  This reaction has one of two possibiliteis….it is either fear based or desire based.  Ooh…its a feeling i do not like…ooh thats bad….ugg…ive got to get away from it…damn im worried about it….shucks…ive got to beat it away.   Or, it is a reaction of desire….ooh…i want this …got to have it…do whatever i have to do to get it.  Both are catalyst for stress…misery for that matter.  Fear…yes you may get away from that dislikable feeling for a bit…but rest assured it will return …maybe not from the same catalyst…but it will return.  Desire…ooh…ive got to have it…I get it…feel good…after a while…no big deal…gotta get more…or something else.  Or even more acute….got to have it…never get it..become obsessed…never get…become mentally ill.   So what am I trying to say here?  Take an objective look at your life…and what is going on in it….what are your fears….what are your desires?   At what level of an acute nature are you reacting to them?  The root of most issues are based on these two things, they really are the basis for all life.  They are the things that define adaptation in the biological world..(if the first organism that made the jump from water to land didn’t fear for its life in some way, or desire some sort of food it saw on land to keep life going…it never would have made the jump).  Ultimately all things boil down to this….it may sound macabe….but it is truth…all of our fears can eventually be boiled down to the fear of death….and all desires can be boiled down to the desire for the continuance of life.  All things…no matter how complex a problem one may think they have.   You can use it like that Kevin Bacon game….ultimately it will boil down to those two things. Life is only as complex as we choose to make it…so…I will let you swallow this for a while…and if you want me to continue…let me know and I’ll shoot you another note… be happy my friend….cause the only other choice is to not be happy…and they are both choices..
  • MATTER……hold please i am still reading…
  • MATTER……you’re right man, ever since I got sick I am completely paranoid of dying, and it has been escalated because of my fear of leaving her alone without me
  • ME…..whatever you health issue, beyond whats going on in your noggin, it is there….accept it for what it is.  Do your best to live a healthy life…the only thing you can control is how you react to the various catalysts that present themselves…moment to moment….so if you want things to get better with your panic attacks…your shaky legs…you have to retrain yourself in the ways you react to things
  • MATTER…..yeah i need to evaluate the exact triggers, and as they come on, I need to manage them with a positve spin rather than the Xanax….the strange thing with it though is as you are well aware of, this is not the first time I have moved, or started a new job, it is the first time I cared enough about a woman who moved with me about her happiness and success, but I have always been a pretty chillaxed person, and now I am almost constantly in a phase of mania
  • ME…..I always tell folks…limit your limitations in life.  What are our two limitations…fear and desire.  Does that mean don’t love your wife…no..not at all.  What that means is….when something comes up that you don’t like…instead of running and trying to get away or even worse push it away with force…accept it for what it is….and roll with the punches…with a smile.  Either way the same result will happen….the catalyst will find its way out of your life….it may take time…but it will.  The same goesfor desire….there is that thing i desire…it may come…it may not….if it does…i will enjoy it while it is here…make the most of it…and when it is gone…well…it is gone.  Limitations are personal…they are not things that are presented to you….limitations are the way you look at things and react to them.  Accept all for what they are…and you are bound to find some relief.
  • MATTER….sports was my best relief for knowing limitations….it was easy to understand I can only do so much out there, even as a positive leader i can only do my own thing, I can’t control others abilities or mistakes
  • ME……so now that you have such a wonderful addition to your life(new wife)….don’t miss out on it by fearing its loss…or its disappointment….enjoy it…cultivate it…it might even stay around a bit longer…
  • MATTER….i agree, i think it is the fact that there is so much care I put forth with her, and responsibility to make her the best life possible, that it may stress me out?
  • ME….it will only stress you out if you expect a return on your investment… i.e. that she be happy…i.e. that your picture for what a best life would be materialize….the best life that you can give her is unconditional love…and this is the best life that you can give yourself as well….with as little expectation and control as possible
  • MATTER…..i like that analogy
  • MATTER…..i know in work there are certain expectations I need to meet.  I used to like that, having a goal, busting through it.  Now that I do not sell anymore those numbers fall on the people I have trained to be like me, maybe that stresses me as well?
  • ME….understand your nature is your nature….your wiring is your wiring…you have been in this mode you describe above for a long time…hence it is part of your wiring.  So of course this could provide stress….but jump out in third person and become the scientist and put your I in a petri dish….and observe with the most objective of mind…what it is that I is reacting to….what fears…what desires…and remember a scientist is very detailed in nature…to the nth degree..
    .
  • MATTER…..when i go home tonight i am going to start writing all my stresses, and see how i can control, or better manage them

    i think that may be a decent starting point

  • ME….a great starting point…remember the only thing you can control is you…

I know there was a lot going on there, and a lot to digest.  The whole point of this experiment is to get the reader to take a look at themselves.  Take a deep look at what exactly drives each one of you to do what you do, and honestly see the reality of your nature, your fears, your desires, and the acute nature of how these things cause so much of the suffering you experience in life.  The ability to take responsibility for this nature, this suffering and make a change in yourself.  These things I say to my friend, they are not things that I read in a book, they are not things that I learned from some teacher or higher being, they are things that I was fortunate enough to observe once I took a step outside of …ME…and became the scientist looking into the petri dish of…ME.   Don’t let your “ME”….blind you from the truth….for that is certainly its nature…often like a very irresponsible little child….always looking for blame beyond the …”ME”.

I wish you all great success in your adventure in life….and finding the peace and happiness that it can offer…..for the experience is there….its just how you choose to go about it.  Be happy!!!