…I should be your walking science experiment

I

I had a good friend contact me the other day and their first words were…”i should be your walking experiment..”  so we had a nice back and forth and during the message time it was suggested I add to my blog, so here it is.  The person will be referred to as Matter and I will be….well…Me.

  • MATTER… i should be your walking science experiment

    life in general has been a struggle lately

  • MATTER….i’ve been having health issues and no one can really tell me what is going on
  • ME…what type of issues?
  •  MATTER…..not really sure, I am chewing Xanax like it’s candy for panic attacks, my legs constantly shake for no reason, and i have elevated calcium levels…so we are just on a wait and see type patern for a few more months
  •  ME…whoa…can i ask when this all started?
  •  MATTER….about 4 months ago
     I was doing some exercise and just felt like i was overheating and about to pass out …turned into a real bad sinus infection…and has never really gone away
  • ME…..would you like my objective observation?
  • MATTER…..sure would
  • ME….in the last 4 months you have taken on quite a few changes and with those changes came some pretty hefty responsibilities that typically compound stress.  So what is stress?  It is the mind’s reaction to an alteration of what the brain is wired to compute, status quo for lack of better words….what our typical habit pattern in life tends to be..what we are wired to find acceptable.  This is how it works…regardless of the catalyst…the senses take in information…the brain computes the information….and based on the wiring (the habit patterns we have developed through life) ..the brain sends out signals to the body…(understand we are human animals yes…but first we are really just a jumble of subatomic particles that process information from the universe around us..im sure you remember this from school…or not…)….and here’s where the interesting part happens….those signals are really just sensations that trigger a reaction.  So what is the reaction?  This reaction has one of two possibiliteis….it is either fear based or desire based.  Ooh…its a feeling i do not like…ooh thats bad….ugg…ive got to get away from it…damn im worried about it….shucks…ive got to beat it away.   Or, it is a reaction of desire….ooh…i want this …got to have it…do whatever i have to do to get it.  Both are catalyst for stress…misery for that matter.  Fear…yes you may get away from that dislikable feeling for a bit…but rest assured it will return …maybe not from the same catalyst…but it will return.  Desire…ooh…ive got to have it…I get it…feel good…after a while…no big deal…gotta get more…or something else.  Or even more acute….got to have it…never get it..become obsessed…never get…become mentally ill.   So what am I trying to say here?  Take an objective look at your life…and what is going on in it….what are your fears….what are your desires?   At what level of an acute nature are you reacting to them?  The root of most issues are based on these two things, they really are the basis for all life.  They are the things that define adaptation in the biological world..(if the first organism that made the jump from water to land didn’t fear for its life in some way, or desire some sort of food it saw on land to keep life going…it never would have made the jump).  Ultimately all things boil down to this….it may sound macabe….but it is truth…all of our fears can eventually be boiled down to the fear of death….and all desires can be boiled down to the desire for the continuance of life.  All things…no matter how complex a problem one may think they have.   You can use it like that Kevin Bacon game….ultimately it will boil down to those two things. Life is only as complex as we choose to make it…so…I will let you swallow this for a while…and if you want me to continue…let me know and I’ll shoot you another note… be happy my friend….cause the only other choice is to not be happy…and they are both choices..
  • MATTER……hold please i am still reading…
  • MATTER……you’re right man, ever since I got sick I am completely paranoid of dying, and it has been escalated because of my fear of leaving her alone without me
  • ME…..whatever you health issue, beyond whats going on in your noggin, it is there….accept it for what it is.  Do your best to live a healthy life…the only thing you can control is how you react to the various catalysts that present themselves…moment to moment….so if you want things to get better with your panic attacks…your shaky legs…you have to retrain yourself in the ways you react to things
  • MATTER…..yeah i need to evaluate the exact triggers, and as they come on, I need to manage them with a positve spin rather than the Xanax….the strange thing with it though is as you are well aware of, this is not the first time I have moved, or started a new job, it is the first time I cared enough about a woman who moved with me about her happiness and success, but I have always been a pretty chillaxed person, and now I am almost constantly in a phase of mania
  • ME…..I always tell folks…limit your limitations in life.  What are our two limitations…fear and desire.  Does that mean don’t love your wife…no..not at all.  What that means is….when something comes up that you don’t like…instead of running and trying to get away or even worse push it away with force…accept it for what it is….and roll with the punches…with a smile.  Either way the same result will happen….the catalyst will find its way out of your life….it may take time…but it will.  The same goesfor desire….there is that thing i desire…it may come…it may not….if it does…i will enjoy it while it is here…make the most of it…and when it is gone…well…it is gone.  Limitations are personal…they are not things that are presented to you….limitations are the way you look at things and react to them.  Accept all for what they are…and you are bound to find some relief.
  • MATTER….sports was my best relief for knowing limitations….it was easy to understand I can only do so much out there, even as a positive leader i can only do my own thing, I can’t control others abilities or mistakes
  • ME……so now that you have such a wonderful addition to your life(new wife)….don’t miss out on it by fearing its loss…or its disappointment….enjoy it…cultivate it…it might even stay around a bit longer…
  • MATTER….i agree, i think it is the fact that there is so much care I put forth with her, and responsibility to make her the best life possible, that it may stress me out?
  • ME….it will only stress you out if you expect a return on your investment… i.e. that she be happy…i.e. that your picture for what a best life would be materialize….the best life that you can give her is unconditional love…and this is the best life that you can give yourself as well….with as little expectation and control as possible
  • MATTER…..i like that analogy
  • MATTER…..i know in work there are certain expectations I need to meet.  I used to like that, having a goal, busting through it.  Now that I do not sell anymore those numbers fall on the people I have trained to be like me, maybe that stresses me as well?
  • ME….understand your nature is your nature….your wiring is your wiring…you have been in this mode you describe above for a long time…hence it is part of your wiring.  So of course this could provide stress….but jump out in third person and become the scientist and put your I in a petri dish….and observe with the most objective of mind…what it is that I is reacting to….what fears…what desires…and remember a scientist is very detailed in nature…to the nth degree..
    .
  • MATTER…..when i go home tonight i am going to start writing all my stresses, and see how i can control, or better manage them

    i think that may be a decent starting point

  • ME….a great starting point…remember the only thing you can control is you…

I know there was a lot going on there, and a lot to digest.  The whole point of this experiment is to get the reader to take a look at themselves.  Take a deep look at what exactly drives each one of you to do what you do, and honestly see the reality of your nature, your fears, your desires, and the acute nature of how these things cause so much of the suffering you experience in life.  The ability to take responsibility for this nature, this suffering and make a change in yourself.  These things I say to my friend, they are not things that I read in a book, they are not things that I learned from some teacher or higher being, they are things that I was fortunate enough to observe once I took a step outside of …ME…and became the scientist looking into the petri dish of…ME.   Don’t let your “ME”….blind you from the truth….for that is certainly its nature…often like a very irresponsible little child….always looking for blame beyond the …”ME”.

I wish you all great success in your adventure in life….and finding the peace and happiness that it can offer…..for the experience is there….its just how you choose to go about it.  Be happy!!!

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