Tag Archives: addiction

How Heavy Do You Travel?

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Summer_rentalHow Heavy Do You Travel?

Have you ever seen that Corona commercial, where the couple is sitting on a pair of chaise lounges, enjoying a nice, relaxing day at the beach, with nothing but a chair and an ice cold corona with lime.  Cue the family walking by, lugging all sort of beach stuff around, the guy looking stressed and disorganized.  I’ve always found that commercial amusing. Well, its a fitting segway for today’s little muse.

I was having a discussion not too long ago, with someone about, well, stress.  You see, she had a plethora of things going on in her life  and was struggling with it all.  Through this journey, I have come to see life a little differently and went on to describe my observation.  The point I expressed went something like this.  This body of ours is like a piece of luggage.  Throughout life, we pack all of the things we mentally give importance to, and hold onto throughout our lives.  So you might say, its a mind full of baggage.

Microsoft PowerPoint - Emotional Baggage PosterThese are the things that define our “self”. (yes the image is one sided, but you get the picture.)

Yet, it is our essence, our soul, whatever word you want to give it… that energy that nourishes and gives life to the “self”, who carries the burden of dragging that luggage along life’s path. To take it one step further, it is also this same energy that has the ability to choose what and what not to pack in this piece of luggage. To choose just how heavy to travel.

I left for a work trip to Las Vegas this past week. The trip out was, well let’s say, not smooth. The first leg was to Phoenix, AZ. While waiting in the terminal, a major storm came through, and this of course delayed the flight. As I waited, I observed many of the conversations going on, as well as the faces of those sitting around me. The drama, the despair, the outright depression being passed throughout those weary halls of the terminal. Many of the discussions going on, could have been deemed a duel of the greater hardships going on in their lives and the acute nature of how inconvenienced they were by this terrible disaster of a wait.

big baggage

As the afternoon turned to evening, the plane for which we were to board was found to have mechanical issues. Oh my, now the drama, despair and depression had turned into down right chaos, as if armageddon was upon us. The faces of terror created a new landscape for the zombie apocolypse and its subsequent transformation of normal human beings into a frantic crowd of flesh eating zombies preparing for attack on those whose unfortunate job it was to keep the peace for the airline. I had visions of the lovely airline desk attendant turning into a giant, bone crushing, Ogre as she was continually attacked by these brain sucking zombies.

Irrationality was being spewed, all around. The duels of hardship were becoming so lengthy and orated with such detail. The spectrum of drama touching all range of social interaction with life…. such misery! All, undoubtedly, in the quest for reaffirmation of this misery and sympathy for its plight. Ah, such a funny animal, human kind. Always in the quest for happiness, yet we fill this luggage of ours with such misery, and we hold onto it.Just like a closet full of old clothes and treasures”.

closet  So, cleaning out one’s closet to get rid of those old clothes, those great “treasures”,  takes great effort.   To let loose of those material things is a drama in itself, one might say a great tragedy!  Yet once gone, it is gone, likely never to be thought of again.

Was it the scenario of being held over late that caused this misery to unfold for all of these wandering, weary travelers?  I would say not.  I would say it was just an opportunity to unzip, open up and show each other the baggage they carry around with them. To compare and contrast, to compete, to justify and affirm, to search for favor, and to ultimately give purpose to that oh so precious self.  lugging

This whole experience opened up an opportunity for me to take an objective look at myself. To survey the baggage contained, in this great piece of luggage so graciously bestowed upon me, in this life of mine. You see, I came to realize, just like a piece of luggage, I choose what baggage I keep in the luggage. When preparing for life, just like preparing for a trip, I choose what thoughts to hold onto, just like I choose what items I “need” for my trip. In life, each experience elicits a particular flow of thoughts. The thoughts for which I give importance, that I hold onto, are the thoughts that become my baggage. Those I do not hold onto, that I do not give importance to, pass by and don’t weigh down my luggage. Sometimes I give importance to certain thoughts, and have the ability to let them go.  Just like packing for a trip and thinking I need four pairs of shoes, then coming to the realization that I would rather travel lighter and pack two.

So, really, it is my baggage that defines me.  For, the only difference between me and the brain sucking zombies that came out in that fateful night in June, is the baggage of my mind that I drag around in this luggage of a body, through those weary halls of the airport terminal.

baloons

I have learned to let go and not give importance to those thoughts that flow through my mind.  Don’t get me wrong, the thoughts are there, but I choose not to hold onto them.  I choose not to give them importance.  I choose not to pack so heavy and ultimately, I choose not to give in to that misery.

I wish you all the greatest of happiness in your lives and the ability to lighten your load, to not pack so heavy, to let go of some of that baggage. May you and all living things be peaceful,  be happy and….well…just be!

So you wanna know about meditation….eh??

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ImageLast week I wrote about an experience I had during meditation, and of course this produced a couple of messages asking about meditation.  What technique I practiced?  How does one get the same experience I described?  Is there one meditation better than the other?  We human beings are such funny animals, often confused with the concept of simplicity and have this funny little way of creating complexity out of it.

When I first started my quest for meditation, I had many of the same questions and spent so much time analyzing the different practices, different sitting positions, different sitting areas, you name it…I analyzed it!  Of course, I eventually realized that this is my nature, but that discussion is for another day!  Well, finallly after going through all of the analization process, I picked a particular discipline and dove in! (I’m not going to get into specifics, as to not lay influence, one must find their own path.  If you truly would like to know, send me a message and I will happily go into it further.)  I will say, it was one of the most difficult things that I have done in my life, but of course one of , if not the most important as well!  As I have mentioned before, it is the most important tool that I have, as I meander through this river of life!

So you wanna know about meditation…eh???  It is very simple, in fact its the backbone of this experiement I have been talking about!  It is the objective observation of your point of focus, moment to moment.  No, really, its that simple, but as I mentioned above, we are very complex animals, whose minds, well,  just don’t like simplicity…or atleast fight it, tooth and nail!!  You see, meditation is the retraining of the ole noggin.  Well, the ole noggin, its kinda fond of those old habits of the mind (some refer to that as the ego) and isn’t real interested in this retraining!  So, well, its a gonna fight ya!   But rest assured, persistance and patience will prevail!  Just like a child, persistance and patience will always give better long term results!

So, the objective observation of your point of focus, moment to moment.  Hmm, what exactly does that mean?  There are many forms of meditation, in fact I am pretty sure most reading this post have engaged in some sort of meditation at one point or another.  There are those that do mantra (chants), those that focus on an object, those that focus on bodily sensations, those that focus on breath, those that focus on sound.  So, what do all of these have in common?  Well, there is a point of focus.  So, how about prayer?  How about physically working out?  How about playing a video game?  How about a crossword?  How about doing a painting?  How about working on a physics problem?  These are all things that one often becomes completely absorbed, completely focused in the moment, and in my opinion are all forms of meditation.

Now, the real tricky part, the objective observation, becoming third person, really…just being.  Where one is able to allow things (feelings, thoughts, fears, desires)  beyond that point of focus, to materialize, quikly observe them as they materialize, and be completely objective towards them, accept them for what they are and really allow them to eventually pass, all the time keeping the attention on that point of focus!

Yes, your mind will wander!  Yes, you will give more attention to those thoughts rushing through your head!  Yes you will react to that funny feeling in your leg, or that itch on your arm!  That is where the objectivity is most critical!  That is where going, okay, I lost focus on my point of focus for a bit, no big deal (get used to saying no big deal to yourself), and reset and begin your meditation again!  Little by little, with great patience and persistence, you will start to experience the beauty in retraining that ole noggin of yours!  For this is the immediate goal, retrain the mind to be focused, moment to moment!  Eventually you will observe your true nature, and it will be easier and easier to accept it for what it is, and when this happens you will see the retraining process become easier and easier.

So, why is it that I am retraining?  Do an experiment on yourself and I promise you will understand why!  Although our greatest asset in the creation of our masterpiece, the mind, it is also our primary source of misery, really our only source, our greatest enemy!  Throwing anchors of fear in the past and shooting arrows of desire to the future (or vise verse), not allowing us to experience the only true reality of what is going on moment to moment!  So picture each one of those anchors and arrows with a big rope attached and the other end hooked to you!  Yow-ch, sounds pretty painful!  The beauty of retraining the ole noggin, is that it gives us the opportunity to let go of those ropes, pop those hooks, accept those arrows and anchors for what they are, and just let go of those ropes that are attached to them with the power of objectivity, the power of…well…”no big deal”!  Understand, you will throw those anchors and shoot those arrows again!  But, now you have gathered this beautiful tool of meditation, of awareness, of retraining the ole noggin and maybe you won’t throw or shoot them as often, or maybe you will not hold onto the ropes as long as you once did!

This has been my observation of meditation.  I hope it helps in some way.   I wish you all strength, patience and persistence on your journey through this beautiful river of life, but most of all I wish you much peace and much happiness!

To Be…or not to Be….that is the….um..Choice!!

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I saw a question posed today..”Why does God always think we can handle things that we don’t know if we are strong enough to?”  I suppose the most direct answer would be, to give one the opportunity to find the true strength within.  Through all my years of growing up Catholic, I always found it unfair that God was blamed for so much of the misery experienced by the inhabitants of the Earth.  I was always taught that God loved his children and that all I had to do was put my faith in his hands, and all things would work out.  So I could not comprehend why God would send something, some experience to me that would cause pain and misery?  What, is God some Jekyl and Hyde personality…maybe he’s a prankster? Of course not.  Although my particular way of thought and interpretation of God has changed over the years, the basic principles have not.  So why do challenges come our way?  Through my life, I have experienced various medical issues, and when they were in an acute state, I would often wonder why?  Why is this happening to me?  I have been a good kid, I go to church, for the most part I was good to others…so on and so forth.  Heck, I am sure there were times that I questioned God in a similar manner to the quote that initiated this post.  Yet what I have come to understand is that, there really is no reason, only an opportunity.  “Opportunity you say !!!?” Since embarking on this journey of self-realization I have come to discover, there is no rhyme or reason to the things we experience in life.  Yes, I know, I understand the concept of sin and its inevitable punishment, or the concept of Karma (highly misunderstood my most in my observation).  We humans are a funny animal, we are always looking elsewhere for reason, or more accurately put, blame, for the things we experience, (and the feelings they elicit) regardless of their nature.  Whether it is something we like, or more often, we do not like! (and trust me I have had plenty of both!)  The truth is, life is like a river that flows, that flows with things we experience with our senses.  Take a moment now and become the scientist, observe what you are experiencing now.  You are sitting at your computer or phone or whatever media device you have in front of you.  Maybe with a drink or snack by your side.  Maybe with the t.v. going in the background or some music.  You remember…we did this in kindergarten…heck pre-school…go to each specific sense..sight…smell…taste…touch…hear…and if you didn’t know this, there is a sixth and that is thought, and observe.  C’mon..give it a try…become third person, become the scientist and sit back and observe the senses and corresponding feelings and the  thoughts coming to fruition, man what a flow…right?  All kinds of stuff come up, “what’s this guy talking about?”…”I don’t have time for this”…”something smells good”..” i can’t believe that commercial”…”man I was supposed to call so and so”…and on and on.    This flow of thoughts, constant, like a river.  And as discussed in an earlier post, we’re just fishin with our pole of control, holding onto those thoughts.

Okay, so where am I going with this?  Well, this river of experience, you know, it just flows, kinda like the Mississippi.  Why did I get Crohns disease as a child? Why was I so lucky to be born to a saint of a mom?  Fact is, it doesn’t really matter, for it is what was presented to me.  Here is the point of this entire post!  “To Be…or Not To Be….(HAPPY)….that is the CHOICE!!!  You see folks, misery, as well as happiness, is a choice.  Ooh, I know, very hard to grasp when the river of life seems like raging rapids instead of a gurgling brook, but the truth is, the rapids are there!  Regardless of whether you respond with a frown or a smile, the rapids are there!   Also, trust me, no matter how much you think someone,  or something  caused those rapids to appear, the fact of the matter is, they are there!  and you will be going through them!  So, looking for the reason or the blame, is like trying to hold onto a rock and waiting for the rapids to subside.  You will be waiting for a long time.  Just like the Mississippi, there are spots with rapids and they will be rapids for a very…very…very long time.  As long as you hold onto that rock, well, you will most certainly be fighting those rapids.  On the other hand, you can let go of the rock and accept the fact that, hey, I have to traverse some rapids, not the first time, and certainly not the last.  Of course, once you let go of the rock, well, you again have the choice.  Ride the rapids with a smile or a frown.  Again, either way, you will be riding the rapids for a bit, you can do it with a frown, feeling miserable, feeling out of control and spending your time dwelling on your expectations. Looking for other rocks, clouding the one tool you do have, awareness, to help avoid some of the hidden dangers.    Or… you can do it with smile, Happy, accepting things as they are, letting the river take you along, with a much better faculty for the use of that special tool of awareness to help  avoid those same hidden dangers.

I will tell you, I was a miserable soul when I first started this journey long ago.  Always looking for rocks regardless of whether I was in the rapids or not.  Often plagued by my expectations for those around me and the world in general.  Then there was that moment, that beautiful moment of clarity, when I realized, when I observed that, it was me, I was the one responsible for my happiness (and of course my misery).  For, it was not the river, not the experience that brought me this happiness, this misery, but the way in which I chose to react to the river, to the experience.  What a feeling of fulfillment, what a feeling of peace, it sounds so simple, but it can be the most difficult thing to grasp, but I promise you (from a former miserable soul)..it is not impossible!!  Give yourself a little credit, hey, your making the effort, you wouldn’t be reading this in the first place if not!!   So, do yourself a favor, take advantage of those rapids, and see them as an Opportunity for self observation and find the path to true happiness…to true peace.  Start taking responsibility, for those smiles and those frowns.  Find the opportunity to flow along the river of life, and let go of the rocks and not miss out on the beauty it has to offer!  I wish much success on your experiment and an enjoyable ride down the river!

…I should be your walking science experiment

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I had a good friend contact me the other day and their first words were…”i should be your walking experiment..”  so we had a nice back and forth and during the message time it was suggested I add to my blog, so here it is.  The person will be referred to as Matter and I will be….well…Me.

  • MATTER… i should be your walking science experiment

    life in general has been a struggle lately

  • MATTER….i’ve been having health issues and no one can really tell me what is going on
  • ME…what type of issues?
  •  MATTER…..not really sure, I am chewing Xanax like it’s candy for panic attacks, my legs constantly shake for no reason, and i have elevated calcium levels…so we are just on a wait and see type patern for a few more months
  •  ME…whoa…can i ask when this all started?
  •  MATTER….about 4 months ago
     I was doing some exercise and just felt like i was overheating and about to pass out …turned into a real bad sinus infection…and has never really gone away
  • ME…..would you like my objective observation?
  • MATTER…..sure would
  • ME….in the last 4 months you have taken on quite a few changes and with those changes came some pretty hefty responsibilities that typically compound stress.  So what is stress?  It is the mind’s reaction to an alteration of what the brain is wired to compute, status quo for lack of better words….what our typical habit pattern in life tends to be..what we are wired to find acceptable.  This is how it works…regardless of the catalyst…the senses take in information…the brain computes the information….and based on the wiring (the habit patterns we have developed through life) ..the brain sends out signals to the body…(understand we are human animals yes…but first we are really just a jumble of subatomic particles that process information from the universe around us..im sure you remember this from school…or not…)….and here’s where the interesting part happens….those signals are really just sensations that trigger a reaction.  So what is the reaction?  This reaction has one of two possibiliteis….it is either fear based or desire based.  Ooh…its a feeling i do not like…ooh thats bad….ugg…ive got to get away from it…damn im worried about it….shucks…ive got to beat it away.   Or, it is a reaction of desire….ooh…i want this …got to have it…do whatever i have to do to get it.  Both are catalyst for stress…misery for that matter.  Fear…yes you may get away from that dislikable feeling for a bit…but rest assured it will return …maybe not from the same catalyst…but it will return.  Desire…ooh…ive got to have it…I get it…feel good…after a while…no big deal…gotta get more…or something else.  Or even more acute….got to have it…never get it..become obsessed…never get…become mentally ill.   So what am I trying to say here?  Take an objective look at your life…and what is going on in it….what are your fears….what are your desires?   At what level of an acute nature are you reacting to them?  The root of most issues are based on these two things, they really are the basis for all life.  They are the things that define adaptation in the biological world..(if the first organism that made the jump from water to land didn’t fear for its life in some way, or desire some sort of food it saw on land to keep life going…it never would have made the jump).  Ultimately all things boil down to this….it may sound macabe….but it is truth…all of our fears can eventually be boiled down to the fear of death….and all desires can be boiled down to the desire for the continuance of life.  All things…no matter how complex a problem one may think they have.   You can use it like that Kevin Bacon game….ultimately it will boil down to those two things. Life is only as complex as we choose to make it…so…I will let you swallow this for a while…and if you want me to continue…let me know and I’ll shoot you another note… be happy my friend….cause the only other choice is to not be happy…and they are both choices..
  • MATTER……hold please i am still reading…
  • MATTER……you’re right man, ever since I got sick I am completely paranoid of dying, and it has been escalated because of my fear of leaving her alone without me
  • ME…..whatever you health issue, beyond whats going on in your noggin, it is there….accept it for what it is.  Do your best to live a healthy life…the only thing you can control is how you react to the various catalysts that present themselves…moment to moment….so if you want things to get better with your panic attacks…your shaky legs…you have to retrain yourself in the ways you react to things
  • MATTER…..yeah i need to evaluate the exact triggers, and as they come on, I need to manage them with a positve spin rather than the Xanax….the strange thing with it though is as you are well aware of, this is not the first time I have moved, or started a new job, it is the first time I cared enough about a woman who moved with me about her happiness and success, but I have always been a pretty chillaxed person, and now I am almost constantly in a phase of mania
  • ME…..I always tell folks…limit your limitations in life.  What are our two limitations…fear and desire.  Does that mean don’t love your wife…no..not at all.  What that means is….when something comes up that you don’t like…instead of running and trying to get away or even worse push it away with force…accept it for what it is….and roll with the punches…with a smile.  Either way the same result will happen….the catalyst will find its way out of your life….it may take time…but it will.  The same goesfor desire….there is that thing i desire…it may come…it may not….if it does…i will enjoy it while it is here…make the most of it…and when it is gone…well…it is gone.  Limitations are personal…they are not things that are presented to you….limitations are the way you look at things and react to them.  Accept all for what they are…and you are bound to find some relief.
  • MATTER….sports was my best relief for knowing limitations….it was easy to understand I can only do so much out there, even as a positive leader i can only do my own thing, I can’t control others abilities or mistakes
  • ME……so now that you have such a wonderful addition to your life(new wife)….don’t miss out on it by fearing its loss…or its disappointment….enjoy it…cultivate it…it might even stay around a bit longer…
  • MATTER….i agree, i think it is the fact that there is so much care I put forth with her, and responsibility to make her the best life possible, that it may stress me out?
  • ME….it will only stress you out if you expect a return on your investment… i.e. that she be happy…i.e. that your picture for what a best life would be materialize….the best life that you can give her is unconditional love…and this is the best life that you can give yourself as well….with as little expectation and control as possible
  • MATTER…..i like that analogy
  • MATTER…..i know in work there are certain expectations I need to meet.  I used to like that, having a goal, busting through it.  Now that I do not sell anymore those numbers fall on the people I have trained to be like me, maybe that stresses me as well?
  • ME….understand your nature is your nature….your wiring is your wiring…you have been in this mode you describe above for a long time…hence it is part of your wiring.  So of course this could provide stress….but jump out in third person and become the scientist and put your I in a petri dish….and observe with the most objective of mind…what it is that I is reacting to….what fears…what desires…and remember a scientist is very detailed in nature…to the nth degree..
    .
  • MATTER…..when i go home tonight i am going to start writing all my stresses, and see how i can control, or better manage them

    i think that may be a decent starting point

  • ME….a great starting point…remember the only thing you can control is you…

I know there was a lot going on there, and a lot to digest.  The whole point of this experiment is to get the reader to take a look at themselves.  Take a deep look at what exactly drives each one of you to do what you do, and honestly see the reality of your nature, your fears, your desires, and the acute nature of how these things cause so much of the suffering you experience in life.  The ability to take responsibility for this nature, this suffering and make a change in yourself.  These things I say to my friend, they are not things that I read in a book, they are not things that I learned from some teacher or higher being, they are things that I was fortunate enough to observe once I took a step outside of …ME…and became the scientist looking into the petri dish of…ME.   Don’t let your “ME”….blind you from the truth….for that is certainly its nature…often like a very irresponsible little child….always looking for blame beyond the …”ME”.

I wish you all great success in your adventure in life….and finding the peace and happiness that it can offer…..for the experience is there….its just how you choose to go about it.  Be happy!!!